back from maine Sep 8, 2006
I had a really nice time in Maine.

A small update to this post about dysmorphia and looking at yourself in the mirror. On that day, a month ago, I started a habit of getting on a scale in the morning. I've found that having okay self-esteem can mean you can convince yourself of anything including "Sure I'm about the right weight for my height." It's like exercise, you can say "I'm not sedentary, really, I do plenty of active stuff." until you actually start exercising and then you realize how different it is to be fit, and no matter how vigorously you do it, tooth-brushing isn't exercise. In the absence of data, you go with what feels right, and sometimes what's easier... until you see a picture of yourself on the Internet and say "Huh". Perhaps the Dismemberment Plan said it best "knowing about that would involve knowing some pathetic, ridiculous, and absolutely true things about myself that I'd rather not admit to right now" though their song discusses denial of a different sort.

In any case, according to the scale, I've lost six pounds since then. According to the height/weight charts I've probably got ten to go before I'm in truly normal range. According to the government, I'm still too heavy (or too short) to be a Marine which is okay with me. According to the photographic height/weight chart I am a pretty capable photographer compared to many (submit your picture if there isn't someone in your height/weight box! no, I'm not in there). And, according to my sister and Mom -- who came up to Maine and brought cake, and presents -- I look great. I, of course, feel exactly the same, except possibly a bit more in control of this situation. Being 38 is fine so far.

Update: I went shopping for swimsuits today and even tried on a whole bunch of them. First time for everything....
Well, i think one should go with what feels right even with-out the absence of data. People can lie and data can be false. Then we don't get as many rude awakenings. You set yourself up when you convince yourself "I'm the right height for my weitht", only to see a photo of yourself that you feel paints a different picture.
Placating yourself means you'll never improve yourself. And that's the heart of self-esteem after all isn't it?
12 September, 2006 12:25
this guy says that exercise may make us live too long and thus negate any positive effects of not driving

I guess that more bacon?
14 September, 2006 18:34
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