On Hampshire

a set of shelves in the Hampshire College library

I don’t usually comment on the news here but people have been texting and emailing and messaging about the news that Hampshire was closing and I have a very specific thought and then some longer ones.

The specific thought is that I have wished, since the original “Hampshire is in trouble!” stuff started in 2018, that Hampshire could have just wrapped it all up with a bow at 50 years (in 2020) and just said “We did the stuff we set out to do, and now we are done.” I understand why they didn’t do that, but just to say I’ve been saying goodbye to Hampshire for a long time.

Hampshire made me into ME. I discovered that I loved library work while I was there, and that librarian jobs could be cool. I made a group of fast friends many of whom I am still in touch with regularly and who have all turned into really interesting, principled people. As someone who felt like a weird misfit in high school–I had friends and hobbies and whatnot, but the overall vibe of that place was not one I clicked with–I felt like I could mostly just be me at Hampshire. I had a lot of Jewish friends who informed me that I, too, was Jewish. I met people from different countries, classes, and backgrounds. I modeled for art classes. I helped lead a marching band to the St. Patrick’s Day Parade in Washington DC. I stayed involved politically and got to learn how to do so tactically and well. I wrote a lot, I met writers. I realized that my strengths as a writer were more expository and less imaginative, which was fine. I studied linguistics and wrote a thesis paper on the use of singular “they” (in 1990!). I didn’t do much there with computers, though I could have. I met the people who would eventually help me make the decision to move to Seattle, and later Vermont. I was the boring student who went there for four consecutive years and then graduated. An atypical Hampshire student. I lived on campus two out of the three summers I was there.

And then, once I graduated and moved away, my connection to the school faded. My communications from them were all about money. I had been a full tuition student, so was clearly on a list of “people with resources” but I think they really should have been talking to my dad. I didn’t understand class at all until I went to Hampshire. I decided it wasn’t worth me continuing to explain that to them, so I eventually stopped interacting with them, asked to be taken off of their mailing lists. I went back for occasional alumni events but more as a gate-crasher with local friends than as an attendee. I was invited to be on a panel of library workers there once. It was good to be in the library again (picture above).

My last interactions with them were a few months ago as I was trying to get my thesis into their digital Archives. I had a scanned version of my paper which I tried to upload (which involved reactivating my Hampshire College email from 40 years ago). There was a lot of tech support involved. However, because I was from an earlier decade, they needed a bound copy of the thesis as well. That’s where I hit a wall and hadn’t revisited Hampshire stuff since.

I have less of a sense of the loss to the world, of an America with no Hampshire College. There are similar places, but nothing is the same. I’m happy they didn’t have to “pivot to AI” in some stupid way like the academic homes of many of my friends. I’m pleased they didn’t get into an ugly wrestling match with the current administration which forced their hand. Above all, I am glad they were decisive, this time. There’s so much which is uncertain and kind of awful right now, especially the not-knowing. I will feel weird with a closed alma mater, though I always feel weird, but in some ways it’s better than having a might-be-closed-soon-but-who-knows one. I dream about the place a lot; that’s unlikely to change. Good for you Hampshire, you helped a lot of people become better people.

Photo of college graduation: Tim Shary, John Elstad, me, Lisa DeGrace, Scott Stockburger, Mike Singer, Joe Schloss, John Kitzen, Dave Wettengel

a poster from a Hampshire graduation which says DIVISION FREE in a typewriter font with a bouncy ball type illustration above it. It is green with yellow.

A new gmail address? In 2025?

In an effort to blog more and also to see if my “classic mode” of WordPress can handle emojis (update: it can’t, further update:YES IT CAN), here is a short story in bullet points and emoji.

  • I found an old copy of my college thesis on generic “he” pronouns because someone was talking about that concept on Bluesky. Was very excited how quickly I could find that document. 🥳
  • Was able to scan it (thanks, my local library!) and share it with researchers. 🤓
  • Decided to ask my alma mater if they’d like a copy for their archives 🤝
  • They said sure, there’s a self-serve digital archive tool, just use my college email address. 📥
  • I haven’t used my college email address in forever, no idea if it still works. 🧓
  • Six IT tickets to get it going again. 🎟
  • Upload thesis. Scrutinize language as to whether AI can be trained on it (probably). ⬆
  • Log in to new email account. 📧
  • SURPRISE, I HAVE ANOTHER GMAIL ADDRESS NOW 😭

kid weirdo

two small children sitting on a sofa in an old=time sepiaton print

I’ve been focusing on positive self-talk, or at least being aware of negative self-talk, lately. Noting the times when I’m saying to myself “And then you did that thing that screwed it all up” and trying to reframe that feeling/expression somewhat. But there are some expressions that may SOUND like they’re negative, but that really aren’t. I was a weird kid. That’s not negative self-talk, that’s fact. Spacey and solitary, things went fine for me for the most part. I grew up, went to a college for weirdos, and wound up finding my path and things are good. I occasionally struggle, but I don’t feel out of step in my little town here.

I wrote a thing and was interviewed for a thing that both touch on this feeling. One is about Hampshire College and the financial mess that they’re in, maybe closing and maybe not. I both care and don’t care about this. But I was surprised to find that I had some left over grar feelings from back then, and they open the article. The other was a very short piece I wrote about how much Alison Bechdel’s book Fun Home affected me, how much I felt, to use the common parlance, seen. Here are the two pieces:

I’m mostly off my Wikipedia jag which is probably just fine for now. Expect to see it flare up again this time next year.

rabbit hole

IMG_9338

I’ve been doing some slow pokey updates around here and realizing that even though I’ve been thinking I’ve been at this for fifteen+ years, this year really rounds out the twentieth year I’ve been writing stuff down here. During that time I’ve had three (at least) different content management systems and only two web hosts which is something of a miracle. I’ve lived in six different places (seven if you count #dadshouse) and driven eight cars in that time period. Went cross country about ten times. The last few years have seen a lot of that leveling out. And then there’s some stuff I just can’t remember too well. This site has always been an outboard brain in some ways, reminding me about things I had forgotten or maybe misremembered. So giving the place a tune-up–just upgraded to the latest version of WordPress, made sure things were still showing up in Google, added a search to the sidebar–is one more small way of keeping my own brain a bit more together.

The day-to-day here is about the same. Flossing and meditation continue and seem to be helping. I got some sort of conference crud which means my sinus situation has downgraded to “again with the sinus rinsing” but it’s mostly okay. The longer days, some of them even sunny, have raised everyone’s spirits and it truly is a rising-tides-lifts-all-boats situation.

I’ll be heading down to Massachusetts to participate in a librarian panel at Hampshire with some other librarians. The situation morphed from a “Hey can you come down and be on a panel for an hour?” into a “We’ll give you a one hour tour, then a one hour interview with our Communications team, then a one hour break, then a one hour panel, then a dinner with everyone…” and as much as I’m looking forward to the panel, I’m also feeling a bit bait-and-switched since I heard about their million dollar Mellon grant (they are reimbursing my mileage for the trip). Which just reminds me why I asked Hampshire to take me off of their mailing lists in the first place, a decision I’ve never really regretted. Liked the place just fine, but feel they don’t owe me anything and I don’t owe them anything. It will be interesting to go back. I’ve been on campus a few times since the bulk of my friends graduated but never for more than an hour or two. If you’re in the area, here’s the announcement. Free and open to the public.

good choices made a long time ago

[sometimes I read my own sent email and I just like it]

Hello,

My name is [$NAME] and I am a high school senior. Two days a week I volunteer at the local public library and am very interested in making a career out of the library field. I read your blog (librarian.net) whenever google reader tells me that you have updated. Today I found out that you attended Hampshire College, the school which I shall be attending next fall. I was wondering if you could tell me about your experiences there.

With immense appreciation, [$NAME]

Hi,

I went to Hampshire sort of a million years ago [1986-1990] and Helaine Selin from Hampshire was my librarian role model because she could find things online [when online was fancy services you had to *subscribe* to mainly] that I had no idea existed. I was there when Adele Simmons was president. I lived in Merill dorms, then Prescott, then Dakin dorms, then Prescott again. Over the summer I lived on campus two out of three summers. I only lived about an hour and a half away so I could go home often if I wanted or needed to, but didn’t go home that much.

I studies linguistics with Steve Weisler and a few other people in the CCS school which I think is called something else now, and creative writing with Lynne Hanley. I took (well, passed) 16 classes the whole four years I was there. I graduated in four straight years which is unusual. I took classes at Amherst, UMass and Mount Holyoke as well. I got to take a writing class at Amherst from David Foster Wallace who is actually not much older than I am.

I always felt like Hampshire was where all the weird kids from every high school wound up and some of them decided to outweird everyone else and some of them decided that since they were now in a group of weirdos, they could just be themselves. I was part of the latter group. It was a strange time. There were a lot of protests over political correctness types of things. There was a takeover of one of the science buildings. It was the year after Andy Hermann killed himself live on public access TV which was a long time ago but still seems like a big deal. You can read more history from about that time at this link. Tim Shary and I went to Hampshire together.

http://library.hampshire.edu/archives/shary/Sharyhistory.html

Fascinating stuff.

I did some extracurricular things. I was part of a film and video club. I was on the volleyball team. I was an artist’s model. I worked at the Farm Center. I threw parties and helped bring bands to campus. I was part of the motorcycle collective. I sort of fit in at Hampshire and liked it there. I am still in touch with MOST of the people I lived with my senior year there and I’m always surprised when I run into other Hampshire people my own age in different places that they are interesting and have done interesting things with their lives. Despite my having enjoyed college well enough, it was in no way the “best times of my life” which I think is entirely okay.

As far as academics, I was pretty self-motivated and this was in my favor. I saw a lot of people drop out because they just couldn’t keep doing work when there weren’t grades or professors hounding them. I think some of those people were better off not being in college but for some of them Hampshire just wasn’t the right place and maybe another school would have been.

It’s an interesting place filled with interesting people. This is the good news and the bed news. There are a lot of people with a lot on their minds. Creative arty types but also just moody melancholy types, or both. There was a suicide or a suicide attempt every year i was there and a lot of drug-and-alcohol fuelled drama that may be typical for colleges but hasn’t been part of my life since.

I went on to library school at the University of Washington at the school they now call the iSchool. It was less of a big deal then, but I was able to get in with nothing but my GRE scores and that stack of recommendations that they call a transcript. I didn’t have any trouble segueing to graduate school. If anything, I felt it was LESS rigorous than Hampshire and all the focus on GPA seemed silly and missing the point of education. I have a weird collection of jobs now that make me pretty happy and I live in rural Vermont in a place not unlike Amherst and rural Massachusetts where I grew up before college.

Lastly, you know those scary dreams about being in some school hallway and realizing you have a test you haven’t prepared for, or a speech you have to give that you didn’t write yet? I never, ever, have them. I think that alone makes me feel that I made the right decision about college.

Jessamyn